Thursday, August 26, 2010

Egg Dribble, and Cross Training

I love my wife.  She is my best friend, a challenger to prompt me to get better, a princess that needs to be cared for, an independent woman, a nest-builder ... but what I have noticed is that she is also very good at spotting when I need to go back into the bedroom and change.  When I see her race into the foyer when I am about to leave, I know I need to give her my undivided attention and rotate and turn as she requests.

We have a clinic in part of our home.  Today she was working early, and I decided [all on my own] that my cereal, coffee and home-made oatmeal biscuit was not enough to keep me going so I made a fried-egg sandwich for the road.  I spattered two eggs into the pan, had to wipe a little egg white off my belt, wrapped the sandwich in aluminum foil and I was off.

I am currently in financing mode, and I am meeting with venture capitalists for one of my ventures.  Well, I show up to the meeting and the secretary gives me this look like I'm a stalker or pedophile.  Then when I stand up, the finance guy on the other side of the table gives me this strange look and then looks away.  No problem, I think.

Bob [not his real name] the financial guy pulls me aside when I'm about to go into my presentation and says, "Go check how you look in the washroom - you have something on your pants."  [Bob is obviously related to my wife in some way.]  I go to the washroom and I look myself over.  On my pants is this semi-clear gel-like substance dripped down but still quite resiliently moist and glistening - UNCOOKED EGG YOLK from cooking this morning.  The location, near the zipper is perhaps the worse place for it to be!

So of course I try to wipe it a little - no go - smear.  I try to wet it a little - no go - wet front of the pants.  [Now here is how my thinking goes.  See if you can follow.  I thought for one moment to wet my shirt and exclaim running out of the washroom, that the "sink had exploded!"  Then I tried to dry my pants under the hand dryer ... started doing these pelvic lunges and still couldn't get any hot air to blow on it.  Finally I said screw it.]  I grab the washroom door and pull it open to walk out into the hallway.  Unfortunately the finance guy was just about to push the door open and I startled him.  [When we are startled our muscles tighten.] He let out a bowel-shaking fart that scared birds across the street to leave the tree they were sitting on, metal doors slammed shut, and the emergency lighting turned on.

I'm writing this from one of the board-rooms.  I'm not feeling it! LOL But I'm having a good time.  I wonder when I get home if my wife will notice the stain?

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James (@ The Runner's Bug), I haven't forgotten about motivation and exercises.  I'm still a little stressed for time - but in control of my bodily functions!  Big Clyde, thanks for the comments - you have made an amazing journey.  I am learning from you!

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I did my cross-training with weights, lunges, and the HCC today.  Tried to pack it all into one hour but it took me 70 minutes.  I have started to add another set of reps for all the exercises except for push-ups and shoulder taps that are still being completed with rest breaks and cheats near the end.

22 comments:

Java Joggers said...

That's too funny. And yep, I'm pretty sure she'll notice. It's what wives do :)

termite said...

bwahahaaaa! this was a hilarious post! so glad to have found your blog!
keep on running!!

Johann said...

Haha,that is really funny! I can just see you jumping for the dryer. Your wife will surely spot the stain.

Heather said...

This was so funny! Thanks for the laugh!

Emz said...

I love this.
Trust me, she'll notice.

gmontalvo13 said...

funny! you balance each other out well!

Barefoot Neil Z said...

Good Luck on the financing... LOL

K said...

Too funny!
Also- looking forward to your first 5k!! :)

Quinton J said...

lol...and the birds left the tree?

Luke said...

That story was funier than some jokes I have read as of late. Good luck with the capitol.

wendy_kresha@charter.net said...

LMAO!!!!! Sorry, but that was just pretty darn funny : )

Molly said...

AH! That's nasty, and pretty funny too. : )

Candice @ I Have Run said...

Hilarious. And it sounds like you have a pretty great wife!

Jill said...

Well, pelvic lunges are some good glute work, I'd think :).

Anne said...

Oh she noticed I'm sure...made me smile :)

Thanks for following along on my journey!

lifestudent said...

My in-laws must have some sort of requirement to either a) show up somewhere with food/stain on shirt or pants or b) obtain food/stain on shirt or pants while out. Thats just how they live. If you were the kind of guy that just walked around wearing his breakfast on a regular basis it wouldnt be a big deal. The fact that everyone noticed means you must normally be a pretty put-together-dapper-kind-of-dude ;)

Jimmy @ Run, Jimmy, Run said...

Next time, try to get a little in your hair to complete the look :)

I actually had a big meeting with one of our head PR execs yesterday afternoon and OF COURSE I had to spill coke all over the front of my baby blue dress shirt 15 minutes before. Good times.

skierz said...

that is absolutely hilarious! I hope the meeting went well! I have to go now as I am still laughing so hard at your description!

abbi said...

LOL at this story!!

Adam said...

HAHAHAHAHA. Wow, that might quite possibly one of the best stories I've heard on a blog so far.

Christina said...

You have me in tears laughing. That's is so dang funny and I'm glad you can find humor in an embarrassing moment.

ShutUpandRun said...

Okay as if fake semen (aka "egg" dribble - sure, yeah, right) wasn't enough...a huge FART that scared the birds??? This is killing me. You know I don't LOL often, bur right now I'm LMFAO with an emphasis on the "F".